…from my experience and point of view. I’m trying to be open-minded, but there are just somethings I can’t help but notice.

So, I’m not sure if you recalled my “mission” from back in 2020 BEFORE I moved to Thailand. But then again, maybe I didn’t write about it as I intended to, but I did pretty much tell all my friends about “the plan”. So, if y’all need a reminder…the plan was “simple” (yes, I’m aware…a lot of quotes are being used), find a husband or find a job. Now, which of these two would be easier…I’m sure we can all guess.

However, as of today (February 4, 2023), this mission remains incomplete. I’ve been on a few dates (had a fake boyfriend, as well) and have maybe had a couple interviews…but no closer to reaching either goals. So, what am I doing with my life. But as today’s topic is about my dating experience, we’ll stick to that.

So, how is dating going? The answer is: not well. Meeting people…to date is the hard part. Meeting people to hang out with…easy pease. So what am I doing…using dating apps, of course. But, I haven’t invested and paid for any of them yet. What am I using: Tinder (seems very popular here), Bumble, and CMB (Coffee Meets Bagel). Which one is most successful…at this point, none of them…and it seems to go in waves which I get more responses from.

TINDER – the dating app turned hook up app (IMO, especially in the US) and involves swiping L and R

BUMBLE – the dating app where the girls must initiate conversation if there’s a match

CMB – the dating app the sends you matches every day at noon

I’m not glued to any of these apps and maybe only check them a couple times of day…maybe. It seems others are maybe also like this, but I also have a life. HAHA. Also, one of the most common messages I get from guys on any of these apps is “I don’t come into this app very often, can I have your LINE or WhatsApp?” 🙄. While they say this, they say that they are serious about finding a partner or they are serious about meeting someone…does anyone else see the irony. ANDDDDD, more than 80% of the time, if you do end up moving off the platform, after a day or 2, they get quiet and suddenly don’t know how to hold a conversation.

The Asia-Asians so a bit lazy about dating. They don’t really pursue or know how to flirt or go after a girl. Most of the time, they don’t even know how to have a conversation. Most of the messages consist of:
-“Good morning”
-“Have you eaten?” (maybe the occasional, “what did you eat?”)
-“Good night”
-Sometimes, they’ll be a “I miss you”
-Oh, and then randomly throughout the day, you’ll get the “what are you doing?”

….yup, that’s the extent of my conversation experience with Asia-Asian men (98% of the time). And, I think, I’ve gone on 3-4 “dates”.

Date 1: This was a great date… and we’ve been on several hangs/dates. But he’s still waiting to encounter, or meet the person who meets all 4 criteria (it’s me, I’m right here). He’s a great guy. Every time we hang out, we have tons to talk about, catch up on and really just enjoy each other’s company (or maybe it’s just on my end). But we don’t really talk outside of when we meet up. Very randomly, we’ll catch up on IG or something, but it doesn’t happen to often and I’m over feeling like I’m the only one initiating. He’s Asia-Asian, but he’s spent a fair bit of time in the US so understands the western part of me. We have tentative future plans (so we’ll see where this all goes).

Date 2: the guy showed up about 30 minutes late (even though he lived 10 minutes away). And then, he ended the date early and didn’t eat or drink anything…and was too nervous to walk into the outdoor place and I had to go get him at the entrance 🙄 (Yes, I’m judging him). He then rushed out and didn’t even check to see if I was okay to get back on my own (not that he needed to know I was living across the street). He checked in an hour later and asked if I got back on time and which he’d been able to see him home (while also literally running away).

Date 3: I would say that our first encounter wasn’t a date, but he joined me and my friends were for a drink…and was quiet the whole time. We hung out a few more times after that, but never really did anything outside of the house nor did he ever ask me or take me out on a date-date.

Date 4: that one time I was talking to a kid and then he I straight up just asked him what we were to each other (I had friends coming over…and needed something HAHA). So, we were together for like 2 weeks…🙄. He thought it’d be better if I found someone new because he wasn’t around and couldn’t keep up. He wanted to remain friends, however.

Date 5: was with a guy I met on an app while in Seoul, SK. I had invited him out for NYE because he was alone with no plans. I was with my friends, so what was the harm (and no, I was not pulling an Alex – so, there was none of that drama (this is in reference to 2022 NYE/NY celebrations)). We had great conversations. He’s a nice guy. However, he didn’t live super close…but when I moved to a place that was actually closer to him and it would’ve been easier to meet up…crickets. So we hung out all NYE and into the wee hours of the morning with my friends. We cuddled (that’s it because my friend was in the next bed and he was staying over to sober up). The next day or a day later (I think it was the next day), we ended up grabbing lunch…and I haven’t really heard from him sense…our conversation I guess, was a bit misleading…😕🤷‍♀️. I thought we vibed…?

Date 6: I had met a guy some time ago…and nothing came of it, but he had asked if we could be friends on FB. Fine…whatever. He’s extremely quiet and would just like my posts on FB. And very rarely, I’d get a hello from him on LINE. Let’s just say I do post on FB, but I’m not actually very active nor do I check my notifications very often…at least not to see who likes it, but I may respond to a comment. Apparently, he’s been liking ALL of my posts (I didn’t know this…and now, it sounds kind of creepy). Finally, one day…I just asked him if he was looking for just a friend or what…because I’m not looking for an online friend. I have enough I have to keep in touch with and enough in-person (here in Thailand) friends as well. And he had the thought that I should be dating an American (thanks, but I think I can decide for myself who I’d like to date). Anyway, he finally asked to meet…after I was like…if you don’t want to meet EVER (because I even like to meet someone that’s just my friend), then we don’t need to be friends. Well, he’s still not a great conversationalist even though we’ve now met. He’s a perfectly nice guy…very nice actually, but no initiative.

As for foreigners, they’ve been alright. But a lot of times, the people I met are merely here visiting. They’re looking for fun, more often than not…and I’m not opposed, but I want more than that…and when you talk to me and the only thing on your mind is sex and everything revolves around it…it’s kind of a turn off. If we’re just flirting and its fun, I’ll totally meet up and see where the day/night takes us. And then the other foreigners are looking for a thai girl (who tends to be more accomodating and submissive. I’m sorry boys, but I wouldn’t have made it to this side of the world without being strong and independent. I’m looking for a partner in life…not a boy to take care of.

Oh, one more story. I was talking to a guy once…he was from Singapore (I believe). We were talking and having fairly decent conversation. Then I decided to get to the meat of things and just asked him what he’s looking for in a woman (I already had a feeling I didn’t fit the bill – even though he complimented my independence). His first answer was (no joke): “get pregnant and have children” aka baby making machine. His second respond: “loyal and kind” – reasonable. Followed by: “love me forever” – not realistic. I couldn’t help myself…I continued to go down the rabbit hole. I asked him what he had to offer. His response was: “I don’t understand what you mean. Of course, a serious relationship and marriage.” In my head I’m thinking, he can’t even offer money or to take care of this poor woman? But maybe, that just goes in hand with marriage for him 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️. Anyway, his following responses had me aghast (or maybe that’s not the word I’m exactly looking for, but we talked some more…I summed up his list and then asked if he’d ever had a girlfriend. He responded with: “Do you have a single friend you want to introduce me?”. Hello, you’re currently talking to me…and at this point, hell no. But he’s apparently had a girlfriend before and then he followed the “yes” with this: “I want sex everyday with the people I love later”. WHAT?!?!?! Good lord, where do these men come from? All in all, fairly entertaining. I let him down and told him we wouldn’t be a good match and wished him the best of lucking. (Also, he “gets so jealous” and doesn’t have any close friends.) When I bid him adieu, he told me I was mean and that he was also disappointed by my words (this disappointment I get…the meanness, not so much and he couldn’t tell me how I was mean either. Let’s just say we stopped talking there…until he showed up 3 weeks later with “Hello” 😕.

So, this pretty effective sums up my dating experience in Thailand thus far. My friends (both Thai and foreign), however, have had slightly different experiences. Some of them ridiculously hilarious. Some of them I get dragged into.

If you have any questions or comments, let me know. I’m sure they’ll be more stories to follow.