We love turning life into either-or decisions. Stay or leave. Follow your dream or be practical. Go back to school or keep working. But I’ve noticed something over the years. The biggest decisions in my life rarely came down to two choices. They came down to asking a better question: “What are all my options?”.

In February 2020, I got laid off (I’ll will say because of corporate reorganization and workforce reduction). In the previous year, the company had acquired a number of businesses without ever doing a workforce analysis. Thus, there were a lot of duplicate jobs being done by multiple people. I get it. I will say it was the first time in my life I didn’t really have a plan for the future. After I got the news, I decided not to deal with it and I had plans to just enjoy my weekend. It’s was Monday’s problem.

When I was laid off, my company told me something unexpected. They told me I’d be paid out for my final two weeks, but I didn’t have to work if I didn’t want to. They then asked me what I wanted to do. Some may have packed up right away, but I didn’t. Partly because I wasn’t actually in Chicago (where I’m based); I was quietly working in New York City. A dear friend of mine was doing an internship in NYC for two weeks and we just wanted to hang out together. I didn’t know when I’d see her next so it might be our last hang for a while. I told the company I’d work for a week and then return my equipment the following week (after I’d returned from NYC). I also wanted to make sure my coworkers wouldn’t be left in the lurch. I wanted to make sure I could wrap things up nicely for them for the hand off.

Also, even though I had decided to not deal with it until Monday, it didn’t necessarily mean I didn’t tell my friends about it. Let’s just say my friends were more worried about my future than I was. Being tired of not having an answer, I decided that I needed to come up with something to tell them to ease that worry they had for their friend.

So, instead of waiting for Monday, I came up with a plan Friday/Saturday. I considered what options I’d be interested in pursuing or what, at least, made sense. Sometimes when we’re up against a wall, we accidentally trap ourselves. We assume life is asking us a multiple-choice question. A or B? Stay or Leave? Take the job or quit? Be practical or chase your dreams? What we don’t notice is that life rarely limits us to only two doors. Oftentimes, we stop looking after that second door. While thinking of all my options, something shifted. I wasn’t trying to figure out the right answer; I was trying to see the entire room. Once I could see the entire room, the decision became surprisingly easy to make. This list below is just some of the options I came up with:
1. Stay in Chicago and look for a new job
2. Move and look for a new job (I’d about reached my threshold in Chicago)
3. Go back to school
4. Move abroad and immerse myself (the option I had previously let go of)
5. Marry rich

I ended up choosing option number 4. It was not necessarily something that was objectively better, but it was something that was finally visible again. It was something I’d always wanted to do, and now, it was feasible. I wasn’t tight for finances. I could take time off. It was something I had time for and could take my time with. Even with all this going for me, I still wouldn’t say it was the safest or even most conventional option, but it was the one I’d quietly wanted to walk through for years. Losing my job didn’t create the dream; it simply removed the excuse not to pursue it. Once I had decided, I couldn’t wait to start planning.

Looking back, I realize I wasn’t as afraid as everyone else seemed to be. I wasn’t ignoring reality; I knew I would eventually need another job. But because my immediate financial situation was stable, I had the rare opportunity to ask a different question. Instead of “How do I replace what I lost?”, I could ask, “What do I actually want to do next?”.

Since then, whenever I face a crossroads, I try to avoid asking “Which one of these two options should I choose?”. Instead, I ask “What doors haven’t I noticed yet?”. Sometimes the best answer isn’t behind Door #1 or Door #2. Sometimes it’s the door you forgot existed. Sometimes it’s the one you’re afraid to write down. Sometimes Door #5 isn’t another door at all. It’s the realization that there were never only two doors to begin with. Although for now, I still haven’t found someone interested in funding my retirement, but that door is always an option.

The options available to us are often limited less by reality than by the questions we’re asking. The moment I stopped asking, “What should I do?” and started asking, “What could I do?”, my world got bigger.